got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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