Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
