how can u be prego again
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
