You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
