I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
