I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
