So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
well, you know. whores of a feather.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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