Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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