According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future�
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
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