Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
