listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
