i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I forget how to act sober
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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