Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
