There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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