One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
