The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
