zippers are such a cool invention
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
