The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
