Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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