I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
