mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
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