my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
