so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
