new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
