so that wasnt chicken after all
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
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