ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Randomize
