The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize
