He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
MIDGETS
????
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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