So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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