theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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