I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
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