Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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