Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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