belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
