I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
