he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
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