Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
