i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
