My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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