I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
