i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
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