she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
