I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
