Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
