She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Randomize
