Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
