One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
