it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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