I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
we made out on top of his cat.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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