What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
